Yet Another First

This is yet another first. Another renewed commitment to life and health--both emotional and physical. And another day of fear. But the fear is there whether I'm trying to change or not. The despair and restless are there whether I'm trying to change or not. But life isn't there when I'm running from my emotions and fears. It's like time just slipping away... worse, it's like time that I'm willing away. Willing that now will get over and that time (that mythical) time when I'm committed to change and the change comes easily. But that doesn't exist, so I'm just willing my life away. And giving up my chance for love. That's what I'm fighting for here--love for myself... from myself and from a man worth loving.